"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
