Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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