He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
