I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
