dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just invented taco cereal.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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