and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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