my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
