New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
