PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
