Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize