i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
