she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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