god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Two words: nipple clamps
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