thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize