Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
