Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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