Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
