I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
