His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
