I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
