wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize