carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
