She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
