So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
