You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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