I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
BRING THE BAGELS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
