is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't notice because vodka
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize