her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
