it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
