I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
