It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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