..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
