I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
