she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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