and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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