someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize