Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
