Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish I could punch you in the face.
handjob tips. give me some.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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