Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
