Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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