then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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