His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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