You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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