just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
