don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
