watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
