I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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