i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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