I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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