is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
