i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
