you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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