Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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