You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
