Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
