i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
