you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize