I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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