You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
