I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
