I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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