Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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